Tuesday

mo' critters

Wanted Poster

happy squirrel, originally uploaded by mo jackson.

the squirrel has started throwin things at us. it was bad enough when it would just sit and stare...really creepy which is why we had to shut the sight of her (or maybe it's male and a cross dresser) out along with the sunlight. the weird thing is, if we are both down at jo's trailer, the squirrel moves down there too and sits on the buick until we come out.

mini's dad called the critter man to come take care of the problem but that odd ball who sells liquid diet aides on the side (wonder what's in em...?) only has one way of takin care of critters and it isn't to relocate em to a place where they are more welcome and i;m not sure i can allow that to happen to tracy just yet...if ever.

we do need him to come though and take care of a different sort of critter that is stealing the linens and oven mitts downstairs. i am only finally admittin about this other critter so openly because i now know it isn't just my abode that claims to have 'em.

gigi woke me up early the other mornin (altho any time someone wakes me lately i consider it early) to tell me she was leavin and would be back after she did her chores.

chores. how interestin....i don't think mini has ever heard that word...i was most curious, early or not, to hear what sort of chores gigi was responsible for. about 7th on her long list (includin washin the car and walkin the dogs) was settin out the rat traps with peanut butter. i was thrilled - not to share my peanut butter (speakin of which if you haven't tried the low fat kind you must as it is better than the fat plus kind) but to finally know i was not the only person livin in a fancy house that could claim these critters in residence. when it comes to critters oh how misery loves company!

gigi said everyone on the street has been complainin about em. she knows this because her mom and the chatty mailman converse everyday when he drops off her mail for oh say 30 minutes or so leadin the older couple directly across the street from gigi's house to claim they are havin a torrid affair but if they are it's done while he sits in the jeep with the engine running and she stands about six feet away on the porch. anyway, because of their daily torrid affair, she gets all the scoop from him and passes it on to gigi who passes it on to me if she thinks about it.

we never had a problem with these other kinds of critters until last year when all our cats up and moved to the bigger house behind us which i can't remember if i have told you about - the one ferdinand marcos bought for his mistress dovey? did i already write about that? well, anyway, they all moved back there i think because of the koi ponds and left us vulnerable to those other critters.

our first sign of em was really scary. in our pantry we have those wire metro shelves and on the bottom shelf is where we kept the snow cone syrup and durin the night the creepy critter poked holes in the bottom of the cherry and it spilled out all over the floor and looked like there had been a murder. it ended up doing this to all the flavors except coconut and pineapple - guess that sort of critter doesn't like the more tropical flavors. anyway, it got worse until i had to have all the food put in those plasitc drawer type things and you know what? they ate through those too. no matter what we did to get rid of em they just kept comin in the night and stealing our food.

then it got worse - they decided to come for lunch. it was bad enough to know they were lurking down there in the dark while we slept but when they came during the day...i was ready to move. then - thinkin it was about as bad a critter situation as possible, i actually encountered one eyeball to creepy little eyball.

mini and i wouldn't head downstairs without takin somethin with us - either a clunky shoe or a fork or spoon from the upstairs kitchen type area...we'd then head down the back staircase and right before we stepped off the last stair, we'd hurl whatever weapon we'd chosen around the corner to scare em off in case one was visitin. indeed this was a strange sight for any visitor - walkin into a kitchen with a floor full of flatwatre and shoes but we were left with no other choice during this difficult time. it also made it hard to dress as it never failed that the pair of shoes that you knew would be just perfect for what you had chosen to wear - well, you only had one of em and to get the other meant you'd have to go through the whole routine.

anyway, after a while i guess the disgustin lil fella just didn't mind the objects flyin into the kitchen unannounced because i was forced to go down to get a handful of chocolate chips as i was feelin sort of weak - low blood sugar maybe - and i did the whole throwing routine and the waitin a second or two for it too scurry out before i went forward and as i turned the corner there it was - smack dab under the table. i screamed and as i screamed it opened it's creepy little mouth really wide and was screaming too! i turned to run back up the stairs and you are not going to believe this but it started runnin with me! not like it was chasing me - they really aren't the chasin sort of critters. as i ran up the stairs it caught up with me and was runnin ALONGSIDE me! like...i don't know - like we had BOTH seen somethin that scared us and were trying to get away from it TOGETHER! this made me scream more and run faster and i finally made it to the top a nano second before IT did and slammed the door. but i could still see it's creepy little hands or whatever they're called pushing underneath the bottom so i just kept screamin. of course i expected mini and her dad to rush to my aide and find out what horrible thing had happened to the adored matriarch of the family but was i ever wrong. it was as if they never heard me. seemed like forever before i heard, asked loud enough that i'd hear from the other room, 'hon, did ya run into some sort of problem down there?'.

i swear i did not go downstairs again for at least a month unless it was to go out the front door. of course mini's dad could'a cared less...until he actually encountered one himself....and wouldn't you know that within 24 hours the critter man that sells diet aides on the side showed up and started comin about every other week and in no time we could leave our shoes together in pairs.

but now it looks like they have discovered a new way in. and this time they aren't interested in food. they want the linens and the oven mitts and they are dead serious about gettin em. when we go downstairs after a night of thievery, there is a trail of dishtowels leadin to what i conclude is their gateway to get in and out and more than a few times there's been an oven mitt stuck halfway through. seems they just can't get it to fit completely through the hole altho they have succeeded with dishtowels cause we're missing many and our dryer only eats socks and not dishtowels as far as i know.

what on earth are they doin? mini thinks they are preparin for some fancy banquet and gigi thinks they're whippin up some outfits to compete with the well-dressed squirrel but of course both those theories are ridiculous. no way any critter could beat that squirrel for putting together an outfit.

anyway, i didn't even mean to go on and on about the critter problem...but i guess i did and now am plum outta time to blog about the other stuff i had a burnin desire to blog so i guess i'll have to come back tomorrow and do it.

hope you stopped by mojackson.com to pick up this week's orphans and that if you did they are workin out okay. sorry that the type is so hard to read this week on page two... guess i'll have to cut back on my sharin' or add another page for doin so...either way, thanks for keepin me inspired and i'll get ' dorothy's kitchen part two' all ready for you to adopt next week while i'm pushin those pixels into the cyber stock room!

thanks for stoppin by!