Tuesday

a little t.v. while lookin for dogs & a lawn warrior

lawn warrior copy
sort of nodded off while sittin on the ol shabby couch, sendin links out for this week's orphans. somethin startled me and i started the eye openin process and caught half sight of somethin on the t.v. that at first i had trouble makin out. the sound was down so i could only depend on my slowly waking brain to try identifyin the images sent from my still blurry vision. lots of big headed creatures jumping to place one at a time in front of the camera. juttin a boney hip out to one side and flip floppin big furry hair this way and that. all of the creatures seem to have the biggest heads i've ever seen on somethin lookin rather human, most sportin faux blonde bouffants- not the type like jo has but more bouffy from the top to the tips. ooooo - and they all have the biggest whitest teeth - and i shouldn't forget to tell you that whatever way they jut out their hip - their head seems to automatically bop down the other direction.

as my eyes began to focus a bit more i see they are all sportin some sort of banner cross their chests - what is this - some sort of hooters barmaid contest? i start looking for that remote we are all always stealing and hiding from one another - me and mini at least. her daddy always has one perfect new battery packed gleemin one sitting by the shabby chair of choice in the t.v. on all the time room but he has taken to hidin it when he leaves even for a minute. he says he won't be buyin us any more - seems to think we have broken or lost over 50 in this calendar year alone. don't you just hate a man who exaggerates only when it is to the family's detriment but never to their benefit? sort of like when we ask him to haul another keyboard or hard drive on over to the mac store to get fixed and he ALWAYS comes back and says - 'coffee - said it was the spilled coffee' or in mini's case - 'said it was the spilled cok'cola' (that's how they say it where he was raised and when he wishes he had stayed there and not been blessed with that blind date that started us on this whole adventure, he always reverts back to soundin like he's still there).

where was i ...yeah - well, i guess mini found my latest hidin place for the cherished remote and left only that back piece that holds in the batteries here on the floor so i can't change the channel in hopes of avoidin the wet t-shirt part of this hooter's barmaid exhibition. can't even turn up the volume so if i'm forced to watch i can at least hear. will serve that body snatcher right to have the batteries fall out wherever she's gotten the thing hidden. probably along side that journal of hers that i haven't looked for i promise but if i did it would end up not being the terrifying read i had anticipated and would therefore give me much relief - only guessin of course.

you are not gonna believe this but those aren't hooter girls on t.v....it's just lil ol teenagers - this is no hooters exhibition! it's the teen miss usa beauty contest! i had no idea girls so close to my mini's age could look and act so much like hooter's barmaids! this very minute they are prancing around in teeny weeny yellow bikinis - looks like the only thing missing are those poles for them to twirl around on. gee - guess i should be happy with the body snatcher i got. don't know how i'd feel if the sex kitten snatcher had settled in instead of this other one. guess it's another one of those cases where things could always be worse!

for some reason along side these faux hooter girls on t.v. is that actor from that day time show passions. you know the one - dark hair, used to be the only policeman in harmony and was really good at it too unless he was havin one of those awake nightmares of his true love sheriden pushing him off the titanic or whatever...you know the guy - the one that monkey was always day dreamin about?

now that i'm forced to be thinkin about all this it's no wonder they say so many moms are now drug makers and takers - some are actually cookin up batches of the diabolical stuff on their own stove in their own kitchens (would certainly be an interestin hobby to scrap with dorothy's kitchen doo dads and post over at SBB) and some are gamblin away their vacation money getting all caught up in that poker craze. sure makes sitting all day in your pajamas at the screen movin doo dads around until you like where they are and letting the house go to hell in a handbasket and the kids eat cereal right outta the box in front of the t.v. worthy of gettin you in the runnin for mother of the year. or at least on the alternate list. if you're beating yourself up for sittin doo dadin' more than sittin playin barbies (who by the way would be perfect for this faux hooter's exhibition i'm sorta watchin) just remember that there are worse examples of motherhood.

maybe you don't have to have the t.v. on during the day but for some reason i have to have it goin even if i never actually look at it. i realize at times there are commercials i have heard 1000 times and when i catch a glimpse of one accidently, had no idea what it was even about as i'd never SEEN it. the one i am disliking most these days is the one where everybody in the company is whisperin....really gives me the creeps. i have SEEN the one where all those women are showing their stomachs and it's okay but i do believe they'd sell right outta whatever it is they're tryin to sell if they'd have JUST ONE lady with a big ol mooshy stomach hangin out over her waitband...it'd be even better if she could be the only one that doesn't have the problem they are advertising to fix.

day time t.v. could end up being the cause of all those desperate housewives going nuts don't you think? guess you might have heard that poor marlana, fresh from the year long kidnapping episode, has gone and lost her baby AND her memory! and her poor ol husband, the one who really needs to cut his hair and take a few UN-actin lessons (sometimes he is just TOO TOO acty) had his private plane jet all over the country picking up all her favorite things - food and such - hoping to jolt her back to salem reality and not one thing worked. makes me wonder if mini's dad would do such a thing for me if i lose my memory. i know if he lost his i'd see it as an opportunity to finally train him properly. all the while back over in harmony there was an awful earthquake or such and that resulted in all sorts of mayhem. i heard jo holdin her breath about it all more than once (she actually WATCHES).

someone somewhere has decided that durin the day, we need men ice skatin with monkeys and women leadin lives of one tragedy after the other (altho looks like they're gonna allow marlana to be well-adjusted in the end by just wipin it all from her memory). it doesn't help to have 1000 channels either cause all the good t.v. is really saved for the evenins. you'd think it would change now that so many women are climbing to the top in the entertainment companies but most of those women still think you can only succeed if you go to work dressed in some variation of a man's suit and to get that far up that ladder they have probably never been home during daylight hours anyway to know of the dilemma.

i wouldn't mind having more ellen during the day and at least that startin' over show keeps you interested and maybe there's something good you can pick up from it from time to time. maybe martha will be worth me turning my head away from the computer screen when it starts although i fear she may just try too hard to show us that she is now a real person and therefore just make us wanna turn the channel instead. i do think that woman is responsible for more people givin up on cookin and craftin than she can take credit for takin it on successfully. good thing it's difficult to succeed in killin yourself by eatin a whole failed castle in one sittin because i know more than one person who came close to suicide after attemptin to make that gingerbread one that martha made em think could be whipped out in an hour even if you lived in a trailer and had only a banquette as a work surface.

someone pitched a t.v. show for me that might have been of interest. sort of martha stewart meets ozzie osbourne from what i could tell. the premise would be an artsy craftsy reality show with real people showin real people how to make stuff. they had the opening part all worked out....you know how martha's show always had her opening that fancy clean as a whistle window lookin like the queen and her little kitty would gracefully leap out and scurry away? well, i'd be sitting in front of jo's trailer - me and my special guest for that day - in our lawn chairs - the foldin ones made of green and white straps. and jo would be screamin out the window for some old mutt to come runnin.

the projects would not as bad as hats out of clorex bottles or macramé plant hangers but not too far from them either. and we'd even show all the mistakes that are made anytime you are creatin somethin - like the time i tried to bite the end off the stuffed up super glue tube to get it going and sealed my lips up tight for a week at least. haven't ever seen miss martha screw anything up yet. most of the shows that make stuff are just too serious - they could all stand a little ozzie mixed in i do believe.

well, i have gone on and on enough here. i really just stopped by the blog to give an update on the missin dogs...unfortunately, they are still missin. we thought lucy bird had arrived at the humane society this morning but when we arrived it was just some poor other lost dog. after that we had to get mini's dad to the eye doctor. he can't seem to replace the gardeners he ran off when he thought he wanted to get in shape by doing the work himself. how he thought he alone could do in a few hours a week what 5 or 6 men were doing in 8 hours i have no idea especially since most of his gardenin time has been spent gettin bandaged up from one accident after another. his latest is his eye - seems some evil plant attacked him and poked him right smack dab in his eyeball and not only is it black and blue but also red all over. he will now be sportin a patch which of course doesn't lend itself to much gardenin getting done. looks like i may have to do up some garden doo dads and haul em out to help me and jo get things back in shape. at least we'll have brand spankin new expensive equipment to use. somehow mini's dad felt the older stuff not worthy of usin.

you'll notice today's art is perfect for all this bloggin. my good friend tracy heard about mini's daddy's most recent accident and sent along her version of what the next day time show could be if based here at moland. looks like she thinks we should get fabio to play mini's dad's part. i could sure count on jo staying a bit longer if that was the case. i don't think mini's dad could play himself anyway based on how the main character is portrayed here in tracy's art - he could never get his remainin hairs that long.

okay - back to sending out dorothy and the orphans. if you've been waiting for yours, make some room cause here they come! and if you see two black labs runnin by your house, shoot me an email.