wishin' for a do-over

mini's measuring wall
there was one thing almost every mother who had mothered before me seemed to feel i needed to know back when mini was really a mini and i so proudly carted her around hither and yon. all those other mothers looked me right in the eye and each said 'they grow up so fast'. i always gave them my best courtesy smile and acted much appreciative of these words said to me over and over but in my head was thinkin' what the hell are they talkin' about...time is time no matter what's growin' in it and there's no way the time raisin' my mini was gonna go any faster than other years and all my other years had never seemed to go by any faster or slower than they were intended to go by especially the not quite eight months it took to make her which seemed to last forever.

this is my official apology to all those other mothers...i sincerely apologize for givin' you my best courtesy smile and thinkin' you were speakin' nonsense and want you to know that nowadays when i run into some other mother who is cartin' around some tiny creature, i first seriously evaluate whether or not she looks like the type to sell me her bitty bundle and once that's ruled out - and so far it has always been ruled out - i find myself sayin' those same lame soundin' words to her.....'they grow up so fast'.

and while i'm apologizin' about such things i should apologize to my mother too...i sure wish i had known to do so before she donned her wings and halo but better late than never. mom - i am truly sorry that back when you would tell me stories about when i was a baby and things i had done or said or ate or wore that i practiced different courtesy smiles on you and was thinkin' you just HAD to be makin' it all up as you went along cause who could possibly remember such detail from SO long ago and though it was truly dear of you to want to entertain me with those tender tales about me from the old days, i was always left feelin' you had missed your true callin' as with such an incredible imagination you should'a been a novelist.

i now see mini practicin' her own courtesy smile on me when i go on and on and on about her early years. it was only recently durin' one o' those walks down that wonder filled memory lane that i realized instead o' workin' to record each o' my wistful words in her own memory, she was thinkin' i was wacky for tryin' to convince her i could actually remember anything that happened that long ago when i spend half my time tryin' to remember where i set the pen to my wacom screen just moments before. but i truly do remember each and every motherin' minute as if it was just yesterday and wish i could relive them all over and over again...well...i might skip a few o' those visits from the body snatcher but otherwise they are all precious to me.

mini did grow up too fast and i am not happy about it in any way. at the beginnin' of the summer she said somethin' that i still haven't recovered from...even thinkin' about the words that came outta her lil heart shaped lips bring big blobbety tears to my eyes and create a sharp pain in my stomach. they were words so horrible that i wasn't even able to call upon my years o' practicin' and finally masterin' my much envied courtesy smile as a response. she was in the midst of her daily bakin' and was complainin' to jo that her daddy had promised her a new kitchen from the time she first donned a chef's hat at almost three and that if he didn't get it goin' soon it would be too late since she we only had her for few more years.

A FEW MORE YEARS! how'd that happen? i'm still tryin' to work off those last few pounds from cartin' her around inside o' me all those months. a few more years? how'd the time fly by so fast. what's worse is she actually sounded as if this was a good thing although she was at the beatin' stage of the daily bakin' so maybe not...but maybe so. there's a chance she might be ready in a few years but there's absolutely no way i'll be anywhere near ready. i wish i could ask for a do-over. but since i can't i'll do my best to make the most of whatever time i get to spend with her....i'll even try to embrace those visits from the self-centered body snatcher.

next week mini will be goin' on her first extended trip away from home....a school trip - campin' and canoein' down some river. the only campin' she's ever done was in the backyard and from the fashion show she gave me and jo tonight of all the couture campin' ensembles she's packin, i'm not sure she realizes the canoe will be powered by her own efforts. i am sure that it will be a hard week for me...good thing i've got so many doo dads to finish designin' for delivery via download to occupy my time - time which i am sure will go very slowly.
minis measuring wall2