drivin'

mojackson
my father had some very strict rules when it came to earnin' your drivin' privilege. we had to learn to drive a standard transmission and did so by spendin' a couple o' hours in the ol' chevy without any air conditionin' in the dusty vacant lot between hatton elementary school and the presbyterian church. we also had to have the ability to change a flat tire by ourself and, after sittin' for what seemed like a hunderd hours in front of the lil chalkboard we used to play school with while he chalked out all sorts o' foreign lookin' diagrams, we had to know exactly how a car worked so we'd know what to do if it didn't.

even after i passed my father's stringent driver's education, i failed the first three attempts to obtain the much desired license. i aced the written portion o' the testin' - it was the actual drivin' part that i had the triple trouble with. the first effort was so pathetic that before departin' the parkin' lot, the poor policeman panicked and told me to pull over promptly. i was told not to appear again until i was properly prepared.

queenie was assigned to give me another sweaty session in the vacant lot and though she allowed me only 15 minutes cause she had twirlin' practice that afternoon and didn't want to have the naugahyde pattern from the seats fried into the back o' her thighs, i optimistically set up a new session o' testin.

i can't blame my second failed attempt on her tryin' to save her lovely legs though....that time was completely my father's fault cause he had told me so many times not to take my eyes off the road that i never did - i stared straight ahead the whole time - i never took my eyes off the road - even when the policeman told me to change lanes or to back up. this time the officer by my side said little but did seem close to slappin' me when we finally returned to the DMV parkin' lot.

on the third try i performed perfectly until the policeman proposed i demonstrate a bit o' parallel parkin'. i had never participated in any sorta parkin' - at least not in the front seat or in daylight - and i pleaded with the policeman for pity points. but once again i departed the appointment without earnin' enough points for the drivin' privilege.

the fourth foray into fightin' for the right to navigate four wheels on my own was a complete success only because my lifelong friend bruce smith figured my bad fortune was due to the rule that i take the test in a stick shift and convinced my father to let me give it a try in his own automatic instead. i was finally an official licensed driver. only problem was, though i didn't realize it and no one else seemed to care, i really had no idea how to drive.

over the oh so many years that have followed, i have become a competent cautious driver but i am sure i used up a bundle o' the lifetime o' luck we're doled out at birth survivin' those first few years o' travelin' the highways and byways o' east texas and probably forced anyone who traveled alongside me or past me to use up much o' theirs too.

the time i have dreaded since givin' birth to mini is now loomin' - her desirin' drivin' privileges of her own. i find myself feelin' sick at even the thought o' her drivin' down our long driveway and takin' to the road on wheels...without a helmet or knee pads or even wrists guards. i've been brainwashin' her from the time she was born into thinkin' it would be much nicer to be driven than to drive but now that her age is in the double digits her mind is no longer easily molded.

i have poked around the blogdom hopin' to find some other mothers who may have discovered some sort o' technique to overcome the fear o' handin' over the car keys to the children they have loved and protected since beginnin' life a mere sixteen years ago...even one mother who can tell me how to continue to breathe when a child is out and about - commandin' a large movin' vehicle among other large movin' vehicles - and a siren can be heard off in the distance...but...so far i have found nothin'. i can't possibly be the only mother who wants to run from the room screamin' every time the subject of a learner's permit comes up...can i?

if any o' you can help me with this drivin' dilemma i'd be ever so grateful and promise to return the favor if ever i have helpful motherin' advice your'e in need of.