i've never had to arrange roses in my residence that were raised elsewhere but since none o' my own have yet risen up to rescue the hydrangeas i had no choice but to make some from scratch. thankfully pretending' to be mother nature by makin' faux flowers is no problem as i have years o' experience - another talent my cousin jo takes credit for bringing' into our bag o' tricks..
actually, our first foray into fashioning faux flowers was brought about by my cousin jo's jealousy - jealousy of sassy sissy babineaux who was in our sunday school class. see - suddenly sassy sissy started showin' up sunday mornings with sprays o' flowers shooting' outta' the shiny blonde curls that sprung from the perfectly pretty face that sat above her crisply ironed sunday school dress. her floral headed appearance forced compliments right outta every mouth - even the mean old women and creepy boys and this was all just too much for jo. she had always been the dictator o' all style and of course mean old women and creepy boys were HER challenges to charm and she wasn't about to lose her sunday mornings to some blossomed blonde who was lucky enough to have a dad with a part-time job deliverin' flowers on saturdays and a mom with an obvious addiction to her ironing board.
jo decided we too had to have flowers in our hair the followin' sunday but they had to be bigger 'n better than anything sissy's daddy buddy babineaux could rescue from the trash bin and bring back from the blossom barn. after sunday school we pondered the problem o' not posessin' any petals while sweltering' on the plastic covered backseat of aunt laura's station wagon. the only person we knew with an appreciation for flowers that didn't have to be dusted was our grandmother but we had been banned from her blossomin' backyard ever since we left her bushes barren when we sold all her roses door to door to raise money to buy new barbies after jo's brother bubba shot holes in ours with his BB gun. we made so much money we were able to get two new barbies , GI joe boyfriends for each and give the BB filled barbies a proper burial.
anyway - aunt laura unknowingly provided us with our situation's solution when she pulled off her pink peony plied pillbox and pitched it backwards where it landed in jo's sweaty lap. by the time she pulled up to her porch 'n parked we had enough plucked pillbox petals in our pockets to provide us with a pattern so we headed for the pantry to pilfer paper for our project. we weren't sure what we'd prefer so we pulled out waxed, butcher, freezer and even folded grocery bags. before heading' home we pinched a pile from the already-read newspaper basket.
after just a bit o' practice with our pattern and plethora o' papers we felt like petal producin' pros. we worked all week on the little table outside jo's turquoise trailer, tearing', tintin' , twisting' 'n turning' tiny pieces o' paper until we had two towerin' floral tiaras. finally finished we left our crowning creations outside so the globs o' glue could dry and headed for bed.
unfortunately during' the night it rained and our paper petaled towers had melted into pathetic piles o' pulp. jo was devastated that after all our work we'd have to arrive at sunday school flowerless. though i didn't tell her, i was thankful. thankful 'cause i thought we had gotten a bit carried away and coulda' stopped pasting' petals days ago but in pursuing our project 'til saturday, our helmets o' fake flowers were more madi gras than worship worthy.
in the end it didn't matter that we were bareheaded that sunday 'cause much to jo's delight, sassy sissy babineaux didn't appear. sally, our sunday school teacher, said her daddy had been transferred to texarkana and the family packed up their trailer and traveled there with him. this meant jo was top dog again.
we didn't get to show off our crazy creations at sunday school as we planned but i've always been grateful that jo's jealousy added flower makin' to our resume and with the passin' o' time we've mastered the art in just about anything that can be forced into the shape of a pretty petal.
for my current floral dilemma i decided to use mostly crepe paper 'cause it is easiest, quickest and would survive if it got in the way when the hydrangeas and petunias were watered. after a just a coupla' hours this is what i ended up with...
if you like to have fresh flowers inhabit the inside of your house you might try makin' up a few emergency flowers too. there are oodles o' tutorials with just a bit o' web travel and i'm sure you already possess a glue gun and some sort of paper that would be perfect for your petals. if not you can set yourself up with enough crepe paper to make a flurry o' flowers without spending much at all. if you can't find some in your neighborhood, one of these internet locales - HERE or HERE - will deliver mighty fine crepe paper to your door.
don't be worried about failin' when fashioning your faux flowers. it's almost impossible. and even if you do end up with a few that you don't like, it's just a bit o' paper and a tiny bit of time - so pitch those aside and start again.
