i have been workin' around the clock this past month on a big project. it has probably taken me twice as long as it would anybody else. i have no organizin' skills , dyslexia and the attention span of a nat and had no knowledge whatsoever about the process. but i have had that enviable list o' attributes in all my endeavors so it was somethin' new slowin' me down.

i just haven't felt like myself lately. i am usually pretty even in demeanor but the past coupla' months my typically pleasant mood has traveled all over the place....and can do so in a nano second. i can be feelin' just fine and then, from the t.v.-on-all-the-time room (which is directly below the doo dad den and runs at a very high volume), i hear that poor paris is without moisturizer in prison and i am thrown into a state o' despair. since nothin' has really changed in my daily life to cause these mood swings, i am forced to face the truth.

the truth is....i am approachin' that thing. that thing i first heard about a zillion years ago...that thing that made all my grandmother's friends do crazy things and gain 72 pounds overnight and made their hair fall out - just the front part where you would normally sprout a nice set o' bangs and was real difficult to hide...that thing that makes you sweat like a pig in a poke on a hot summer day and can make your skin match your faux alligator bag.....that thing that can make you throw all nutritional learnin' right outta your mind and force you to eat only one major food group for days on end (that food group bein' anything full o' grease and goo) and can make you stare for long periods o time at your prince charmin' and try to remember when he was charmin' and why you thought he was princely.

my grandmother used to get together with a group o' ladies once a week - i believe they called themselves the rose society but i could be wrong cause i don't remember there ever bein' roses mentioned durin' their gatherins'. they usually held these faux rose society meetins' in my grandmother's parlor full o' victorian velvet furniture and jo and i got to come in and serve the gooey goods our grandmother pretended she had made herself. after our servin' duties we'd go door to door sellin' whatever gooey goods gotten at the grocer's weren't greedily grabbed by the gossipin' group.

but that all changed after one rainy gatherin' day. followin'our servin' duties jo and i sat right outside the door and spied on these fascinatin' creatures and from that point on, we preferred their gossip to makin' money from leftovers. these fancy women talked about all the friends they had but that weren't in attendance. the poor non-attendees were experiencin' some horrible luck and some had takin' to really bad behavior - behavior unbecomin' to any person much less a grand mother! they talked about each women as if they were checkin' their names off a list when they couldn't think o' anything else to share about 'em. before movin' on to the next victim, my grandmother would say, in one o' those loud kinda whispers..."she must be goin' through the change". there was always a big emphasis on the word 'change' and then the gossipin' group o' grand mothers would greatly gasp, gulp down more iced tea and then get goin' on the next 'friend'.

what was this change the group o' grannies attributed to such looney behavior and horrendous luck? jo said it meant exactly that - the 'friend' was off goin' through all her change - choosin' to go shoppin' rather than sit around with a bunch o' middle aged gossipers gnawin' on faux home-baked goods with our grandmother. queenie said it meant that the woman was havin' that operation to make her face all stretched out and shiny but i knew that change was called 'havin' work done'.

after a mornin' o' listenin' to my grandmother boss my dear, sweet grandfather around more than usual, i heard her tellin' my aunt that she hadn't felt like herself lately and she must be at the beginnin' of goin' through the change. havin' heard that this change had caused the faux rose society member's friends to age 100 years within a week or wake up to big bald spots or lock their prince charmins out of the house, i had no choice but to ask my grandmother...what was this change she spoke so often of and was headin' toward herself?

my grandmother told me it was monstrous mistake made by mother nature....that when women reached a certain age they went through a change that was about the same as bein' turned inside out and hung upside down and that nothin' ever looked the same again and that only the strong survived. this of course concerned me greatly - especially the part o' havin' to be strong cause my grandmother never lifted a finger except to stir somethin' now and then or pick up the phone and her rather large upper arms showed no sign o' muscle. while i pondered her fate, my grandmother sat down her snicker's bar and wrapped those rather large - and sweaty - upper arms around me and told me not to worry - that by the time i was her age they would have invented somethin' so i wouldn't have to deal with this change. she was wrong.

in all the passin' time, a zillion years it seems - nothin' has been invented so that jo and queenie and i don't have to deal with this change. i'm afraid, instead, the money for such a cure was spent on makin' sure men still acted interested in their changin' women (even if their woman was no longer interested in that kinda interest). you know - that one those nice people wanna make sure we know how to obtain by sendin' us all those emails daily.

personally, i feel this way o' doin' things wasn't thought out too well...if they had taken care of us women first there might not be such a need for drugs like that for men. maybe if women weren't forced to sweat like pigs or have rollercoaster moods and crunchy skin, there wouldn't be so many men needin' viagra and the like.

havin' decided my moodiness the last coupla months was due to this monstrous mistake mother nature made and seein' no way to skip it and no cure bein' offered in the near future, i decided to read up a bit on it all. i only made it through the first few pages where they have a picture of a changin' woman. it's a side few and she has droopy double ds, a double chin and is sort of pudgy. the caption says, ' embrace the new woman you have become'....then it has all these lil call outs all around that scream out all the things to look forward to embracin'. i searched in vain for even one i could pretend to accept much less embrace. mini's daddy looked over my shoulder and apparently felt the same way i did about this change. i was glad he had appeared to offer up some kind words o' love and support about these loomin' changes and i could tell he was takin' some time to come up with just the right thing to say to me...his adored wife and mother of his perfect child.

when he finally spoke, he said, 'i don't know mo....maybe we should just get a gun a shoot you.' then he went outside to admire his grass. you can see just a bit o' that much admired grass along with some o' my outdoors creative work in the attached pictures.

it's my birthday tomorrow. that means i am one year closer to 'the change' so i guess i need to finish readin' that horrible lil book. i'm hopin' they put the worst stuff up front and i'll discover the list worth embracin' as i read more.

thanks again for stoppin' by and for takin' the time to leave your sweet messages ...i hope you all have a happy father's day!



Amy said...

Happy birthday, my sweet friend. I don't think the change will happen to you. I think it will skip over you. That's what I'm hoping. I don't want you to change, ever.

Gail said...

Whaaaa.....I can empathize with you sweetie. Hang in there because there's not a dang thing that you can do...although hormone replacement therapy got me through the worst of it. Too bad that it could only work on the sweating and mood swings and not on my changing body. *sigh* You have yourself a wonderful special day tomorrow. I'm sure that your prince and princess will be able to take your mind off of these new woes. xoxoxo


ejj said...

Dear Mo,
Trust you to make "the change" funny. In the long run, I think the best thing about it is that you no longer care what anyone else thinks--about anything!

Happy, happy birthday! Hope you have many, many more.


MOnet said...

aw fooey! on the whole thing! but your gram was loaded with some womanly knowledge that truely makes sense (but at a price). you see going through "the change" can be ghastly BUT turnin to doctors that stretch out your face to make that permanent surprised look and tighten/plastic up your bosom is somethin to look forward to! sure the girls in the parlors will talk but it'll get the boys of ALL ages goin too (no viagra necessary)! next thing ya know you'll be wearin clothes meant for mini and drivin w/the top down in your mercedes so that your hair plugs can blow in the wind! celebrate mo! you can be a girl again without those annoying visits from your "aunt flow."
anyway, i'm gonna agree with amy all the way at the top, i think the "change" will skip you and you'll be fertile forever! just think of ALL the positives!

have a wonderful birthday in moland dearest mo! you certainly deserve it! xoxoxo's!

PS. i think the mood swings in combination with the surgeries listed above will do wonders w/ mini's daddy! this way he can pretend you are someone different everyday...!

Bucksters said...

Yep, have to say I empathize greatly, Mo. I, too, have entered that holiest of sanctuaries where you alternately desire kissin' then killin' all those loved ones around the wee space of a minute or two. My dh has taken all the knives out of the kitchen. And on top of the love/hate bulldog that has invaded my body, there's some poor sap of a wussy woman hanging around in there, too. Watched a movie tonight that was sort of sad, but I cried all the way through it & for 15 minutes afterward. Who am I??

But here's the good part....nah, I haven't found that either.

hey, I like your new blogsite've been workin' hard, miss mo. Hope you're going to take the day off tomorrow & have a wonderful, relaxing, unCHANGEable birthday - you deserve the best!


Anonymous said...

That change may temporarily rob you of your sanity and sweet disposition, but it hasn't taken your sense of humour. As long as that remains in tact you'll get through it. I don't know that Jo will though - :)

Have a wonderful birthday/father's day celebration. I'm hopin' the prince appears princely to you all day long.


Jeannie said...

Happy Birthday Mo. =D
The change is a cruel fate
for years of servitude to the portion of the population that has nary a concern with us.
They lift jet liners off the ground with magnificent displays of aero nautics, but cannot invent a simple bra.
or cure for the cancer that also invades that portion of the anatomy.
and even on a smaller scale...figure out menopause.
why? cuz it dang well doesn't affect THEM as men.
Welcome to one of the most discriminated against next to Puerto Rican & African Americans.
(seriously read a stat on this in womens studies)
they never even ratified the ERA ...

kpollinger said...

Happy Birthday, Mo!

Only you could add such a twist to this topic. Since I have some of those issues on this side of the event, do you think I'll get to "change" into what I was supposed to be in my 20's? Wouldn't that be cool?

I hope you have a wonderful day!!

Christa said...

oh sweetie.. join the crowd.. some go through it younger then others, and I am in that lucky spot with ya.. i found b12 & b complex vitamins puts the looney toons back into warner bros. where they belong, and you can function a bit better.. I haven't had the sweats for a while so I think those vitamins did the trick.. love your blog entry, no big changes for you my dear.. we love you as you are and have the most wonderful birthday ever.. hugs.. from one changeling to another!! xoxoxo christa

Demi said...

Happy Birthday dear! I am right there with you with the change. I can relate to all of it! No words of wisdom tho. Enjoy your day!

Anonymous said...

Happy Birthday! I check your blog from time to time when I need a smile. I live in tehachapi,ca and am taking care of my mom who has two kinds of cancers and congestive heart they say she has mild demintia...I am 41 and will be 42 in dec...why is it when I start to sweat or get in a crappy mood someone has to ask "How old are you?".."OH" they exclaim..then um is followed...they say"you know, you could be in the change at anytime"and why is it a 30 something year old nurse telling me that...and then telling me, your feelings about the change are natural...I want to say..."Honey, you are talking out of your pink colored are clearly years away from this fate...get me a nurse who understands!get me a farty something nurse!AND why do they call it the change???AND how long does this change last..and when it is finished will the change look like the wicked witch of the west..will I have a wart on my nose..will my boobs be ankle warmers>>>this isn't the change...its HELL!When I turned farty people will love your farty's...let me see...I was 40 when my Mom became sick...I am now looking at the change...ummmm....HUH????????
If you ever need an ear to talk to my email is
Hang in there!

Kpbrutcher of A Digi Memory said...

well, I firmly believe that women are like fine wine and just keep getting better with age. we may change in many ways physically and emotionally but we definitely age much more gracefully than men. Nothing looks sillier than old men trying to look and act young. You know the ones....the ones you see flying down the highway in the mid life crisis sports car with their toupees flapping in the wind and their shirt unbuttoned like anyone cares to see their man boobs. Just be thankful that we don't lose our minds and sense of humor like men do.

Jan, aka Milly & Nana Sugar someday... said...

Oh, poor Mo. I've been there, done that with the change. You need to buy yourself a Chillow. For real you do. OMG, I couldn't live without mine. It's this pillow insert that keeps your pillow cool, so at night when you are having a dreaded hot flash and have thrown your nightie across the room, and screamed at hubby that NO, you are not interested in his middle aged body, you are just hot, you have this wonderful, cool "Chillow" to tame the heat. Just Google it, it will pop right up.

On the positive side, I am not nearly as emotional as I used to be. No mood swings, no crying jags, apparently my declining hormone levels are allowing me to live a more peaceful life. It's a good thing, too, because plucking those pesky chin hairs that are now appearing would normally drive a girly-girl into panic mode...

Jan/Maggie Moo

robin said...

oh gosh i'm so glad to see your blog!! i am off to work and will be back to read this in detail later... i love you mo!

robin said...

dear mo,
paragraph three... you hit the nail on the head... and so graphic of a description! yikes! the beginning of 'the change' is hardest on your moods , the middle is dangerous for your family and the end is when you get a chance to go gracefully into your "mature years". which means you are less smart and beautiful but much more wise and elegant :)

xoxox you are in fabulous company dear friend... i am years ahead of you ;)

robin xoxoxoxoxox

Rosa said...

Happy belated birthday MO!! Hope it was a good'n. As for the change, well, chalk it up as more learn'n about yourself. You'll pass through it with flying colors, I'm sho. hugs.

Rosa said...

Oh Mo, I just looked at your new doo shop. You have done an absolute marvelous job. You are way too organized, dys and all!! Thank you for a wonderful place to shop. xo

Jan said...

lol! oh heavens, what's a poor bipolar-afflicted person to do, as she too approaches midlife? can mood swings actually get worse? and sweating runs in my family already, and the bipolar meds only aggravate it. I can see that the next decade, especially with one teen (currently) and two more within the decade will just be one constant emotional roller coaster! lol! suppose I'd better book the therapy appointments now, and plan on maintaining a very good sense of humor! ;-)

wings said...

happy birthday... late! I've been out of sorts myself the past few months, but I've been blaming it on my new migraine-prevention medicine. I know that's not true, but I'm not gonna go look at those pictures of sagging parts. Instead, I made an appointment to have "work done" below the neck, and after discussing the doctor's recommendations and the cost and such, my husband's first question was, "..and what did the doctor say about your face?" Perhaps your husband and mine took the same course in being charmin' and supportin' of their women-folk.

Let us know if you want to form a rose society of some sort. There are days when i just want to rip into one of those xxl bags of M&Ms and keep it all to myself, but I wouldn't tear a second bag out of someone else's hands.

BTW, at my pre-op appointment yesterday, the doctor told me to pass on to my husband that the doctor said my face was just fine and we weren't going to do a darned thing about it right now. Hah. Maybe you don't have to do any changing right now, either. Maybe it's just global warming working it's way on you. Go open the freezer door and stand there for a minute or two. You'll be right fine.

Annette D said...

All those flowers and greenery in your photos are so pretty.
Happy Belated Birthday!

Julz said...

Happy Happy birthday Mo! Long time no chat... two years and I still can't get onto the site.... :(

mamacoincon said...

Just found your blog... soooo amusing! Just wondering, are those beutiful oink garden tools available in one of your kits?? I am drooling over your doodads!!!!!

Sweet Remembrance said...

Mo...Your writing always entertains me, especially this topic! You see...I am "there" too and I HATE it. But you did make me laugh so...thanx

Amber said...

Love your work. Just added a short review of your site!

Jan said...

Missy Mo,
Just tried to get in to the site (again! lol!!) and wanted to thank you for sending my missing doo dad (and the extras! you are indeed the sweetest ev-ah!!). Oh, of course I couldn't get in, and that's why I'm postin' here (giggle), but I JUST had to tell you how CUTE Coco is!! And how sorry I am to hear about Tink's teeth!! Since one of my pups spent some time in the doggy hospital this spring with his ruptured disk, I know what it is to be a worried dog mom, and I had to send my wishes for a speedy recovery, and hugs to you!
And if anyone can EVER figure out how to get me access back in to the forums and fan club (ROFL), I'd be so greatful.... ;-) But as I said previously (and I think you know this is true by now!) I'm very patient and understanding, and do know you've got a lot going on! Hope the school year gets started off on a good note, too! Ours did! :-)
Many thanks, once again! You are the best!! Smooches!!
Missy Jan

Bettsi McComb said...

Oh dear, I just thought I was neurotic. I have the bald patch and all of the droopy bits and the sweats. Now it all makes perfect sense!