Wednesday

wishin' for a do-over

mini's measuring wall
there was one thing almost every mother who had mothered before me seemed to feel i needed to know back when mini was really a mini and i so proudly carted her around hither and yon. all those other mothers looked me right in the eye and each said 'they grow up so fast'. i always gave them my best courtesy smile and acted much appreciative of these words said to me over and over but in my head was thinkin' what the hell are they talkin' about...time is time no matter what's growin' in it and there's no way the time raisin' my mini was gonna go any faster than other years and all my other years had never seemed to go by any faster or slower than they were intended to go by especially the not quite eight months it took to make her which seemed to last forever.

this is my official apology to all those other mothers...i sincerely apologize for givin' you my best courtesy smile and thinkin' you were speakin' nonsense and want you to know that nowadays when i run into some other mother who is cartin' around some tiny creature, i first seriously evaluate whether or not she looks like the type to sell me her bitty bundle and once that's ruled out - and so far it has always been ruled out - i find myself sayin' those same lame soundin' words to her.....'they grow up so fast'.

and while i'm apologizin' about such things i should apologize to my mother too...i sure wish i had known to do so before she donned her wings and halo but better late than never. mom - i am truly sorry that back when you would tell me stories about when i was a baby and things i had done or said or ate or wore that i practiced different courtesy smiles on you and was thinkin' you just HAD to be makin' it all up as you went along cause who could possibly remember such detail from SO long ago and though it was truly dear of you to want to entertain me with those tender tales about me from the old days, i was always left feelin' you had missed your true callin' as with such an incredible imagination you should'a been a novelist.

i now see mini practicin' her own courtesy smile on me when i go on and on and on about her early years. it was only recently durin' one o' those walks down that wonder filled memory lane that i realized instead o' workin' to record each o' my wistful words in her own memory, she was thinkin' i was wacky for tryin' to convince her i could actually remember anything that happened that long ago when i spend half my time tryin' to remember where i set the pen to my wacom screen just moments before. but i truly do remember each and every motherin' minute as if it was just yesterday and wish i could relive them all over and over again...well...i might skip a few o' those visits from the body snatcher but otherwise they are all precious to me.

mini did grow up too fast and i am not happy about it in any way. at the beginnin' of the summer she said somethin' that i still haven't recovered from...even thinkin' about the words that came outta her lil heart shaped lips bring big blobbety tears to my eyes and create a sharp pain in my stomach. they were words so horrible that i wasn't even able to call upon my years o' practicin' and finally masterin' my much envied courtesy smile as a response. she was in the midst of her daily bakin' and was complainin' to jo that her daddy had promised her a new kitchen from the time she first donned a chef's hat at almost three and that if he didn't get it goin' soon it would be too late since she we only had her for few more years.

A FEW MORE YEARS! how'd that happen? i'm still tryin' to work off those last few pounds from cartin' her around inside o' me all those months. a few more years? how'd the time fly by so fast. what's worse is she actually sounded as if this was a good thing although she was at the beatin' stage of the daily bakin' so maybe not...but maybe so. there's a chance she might be ready in a few years but there's absolutely no way i'll be anywhere near ready. i wish i could ask for a do-over. but since i can't i'll do my best to make the most of whatever time i get to spend with her....i'll even try to embrace those visits from the self-centered body snatcher.

next week mini will be goin' on her first extended trip away from home....a school trip - campin' and canoein' down some river. the only campin' she's ever done was in the backyard and from the fashion show she gave me and jo tonight of all the couture campin' ensembles she's packin, i'm not sure she realizes the canoe will be powered by her own efforts. i am sure that it will be a hard week for me...good thing i've got so many doo dads to finish designin' for delivery via download to occupy my time - time which i am sure will go very slowly.
minis measuring wall2

7 comments:

Jan said...

i hear ya loud and clear, mo. we're all guilty of not being smart about mothering until our children are older. but when we know better we do better.

i've been planning for some time now, that when my dilly gets preggers with my grandchild i'm going to make journal entries on a regular basis, starting with when she gets pregnant, and every year on my grandchild's birthday, i will have that year bound and give it to my daughter-in-law to save.

that will be the best gift i can give my grandchildren, a yearly journal of their life. just think about it, wouldn't you love to be able to read about yourself as you grew?

just cherish every moment with your min, because you're right, she will be gone before you're ready. but then, we're never ready to send them out into the world...

Bristol said...

Time flies by so fast. I can hardly believe, that little boy of mine is going to be 5 in a couple of weeks. No longer will he accept kisses and hugs when I drop him off at preschool and everything is that's cool or not cool. I cherish when he still snuggles up with Mommy! Have a great one.
Bristol

Maija said...

Such a sad true story you wrote, peppered with good humor. My first born was just accepted into college! He's leaving home next year- I feel like I've had him for such a short time!

Anonymous said...

You are so right Mo... now I do not have my own little mini, but I do borrow from time to time, wether it be my nephew or my friend's little bean... I trully think that somehow they are eating magic beans to grow, as I don't see where the time went... my nephew is now turning 16 and I remember yesterday he was a little toehead that was talkative and short.. lol.. now he is taller than I and talkative??? now it is little an act of congress to have him talk on the phone to me. Not to mention, I still feel the same age as I was the day he was born. You are so right about the flash of years that have flown by, and you wish you could bottle it. At least you have Tink and Coco the little fluffs of fur, who stay the same mini size and allow time to stand still for a bit... xo Mo.. I know you are not anxious for Mini to go on her trip, and I hope that the week goes fast for you my dear.. (love to read your blog posts!!) XO Christa

Jackie said...

I agree with your perspective. I have 5 sons that are all grown now and mind you I am a young mother, having started at 17, but that sure flew by fast! Weren't they just babies and wasn't I just 16? Still have the same husband, who doesn't look 18 anymore either. I miss their little toys and little boy things. The best has come to me in the fact they are the finest young men! Good luck adjusting to your mini growing up. I love reading your blog and find your writing encouraging and delightful!

Thanks again--

dogfaeriex5 said...

oh this post made me get a lump in my throat..my daughter is 25 and it feels just like yesterday i was tying her shoes and holding her hand tightly to walk across the street...xoxox

Saucy said...

Oh dear, Mo! It sounds like we'll all be spittin' out some blobbedy tears from our peepers when Mini flies the coop.

Gosh, Miss Loopy is just thirteen and I can barely imagine what it will be like when she is all grown and gone.