the peeper prober

beauty and the beast
like i was sayin before...sort of before MY new year started and BEFORE jo decided to do my bloggin and site designin for me while i tried to catch up on some much needed zzzzzzs...my peepers became pooped durin the last doo dad dilemma and along with the peeper problem i was perceivin purple neon patterns which led to pulsatin pains in my noggin. i think it was around that time, too, that that handsome brian williams came on the other screen in the doo dad den and announced that parcelin out to much advil to relieve daily aches and pains could lead you right to an early path to your final restin place. well, i am not quite ready to see the pearly gates and my peepers were painful around the clock which isn't conducive for doo dad'in and i decided that my problem may be too big for the peeper prober i had last visited in the strip mall not to far from my abode.

see...after i married the once prince charmin and sacrificed my 23 inch waist to give birth to our mini, i found i had to get that hollywood reporter and daily variety right up close to my face to see the words. i didn't think much of it until one day the once prince pestered me about how long it had been since i had my eyes checked. i pondered this for a bit, wantin to make sure i hadn't had some emergency room doctor check em out durin one of my mishaps while doin darin deeds back when i was datin dare devils. after quite a bit of time passed so that i could properly parade past my mind's eye all the dandy dare devils in dated datin order, i was finally was able to offer up an answer. "the second grade i do believe prince" are the words that came out of my mouth and before i knew it, the perplexed prince had me at cedars in the world's ugliest eye doctor's office - maybe the world's ugliest office. but the once prince said this was the home of the best eye doctor in all of the...hmmmm....nation i think were the perameters he picked to perk me up.

you'd think someone tryin to encourage you to see correctly would do so by pickin some pretty perky color scheme with pieces of pine made before the 70s and possibly even lay out some interestin periodicals from the present to peer at while patiently waitin for a probe. but this peeper's place was packed with chairs and such perhaps datin previous to the 60s, all painted up in a putrid peach paisley. when his pale nurse plied me from the waitin place and into the perch where they do the probin, she was cold as a popsicle and made snortin noises when she asked if i got my eyes tested regularly and i answered her that yes i did try to do so every 25 or 30 years. she then plopped all sorts of peeper covers over one pupil or the other and demanded i read all sorts of letters off to her and continued to snort after i read em - never was sure if i got em right or not, specially those pesky Ps. she then scribbled some stuff on her putrid pink pad and said 'DOCTOR will be in to see you shortly'. never much like it when they say DOCTOR instead of THE doctor...not sure why but it is always a bad sign of sorts to me.

DOCTOR finally came in and without really talkin to me started orderin me around - put your chin in this, look straight at this dot, read this, is this better or that better blah blah blah blah. i didn't care much for DOCTOR. finally he put his hand on my forehead and pushed back my noggin and pinched some drops into my eyes. he then pushed back his putrid peach chair and told me to make myself comfortable and he would be back in a pinch. it was really dark and i was real tired and could use a little rest so i found a pole on the side of that perch and pushed it down so i was pointed sort of flat and much more comfortable. when he came back in he acted all perplexed at the postion of the perch and sensin this i said "well you said to make myself comfortable" and back he shot, real pissy like, 'well, i didn't mean THAT comfortable!'

i left the mean peeper prober's ugly office with a prescription for new glasses and my prince had them placed in some custom made blue rhinestone filled cat eye glasses - just like the ones i wore back in the second grade. and lo and behold i could see. what's pitiful about the whole process of peepers and people perpetually peekin from em, you aren't really perceivin when you are peerin at all that you could be...it's a pokey process...peepers peterin out. but before i knew it, seems those papers were gettin pretty close to my face again. but no way was i goin to the mean prober! so i found a sweet lil opto shop in the strip mall not too far from my place and when i could no longer see the papers with my previously preemo peepers, i proceeded to procure an appointment.

he was really nice, the new prober, and his place proper and pretty with present day people magazines placed hither and yon so i decided to make him permanent. i never told mini's daddy about my new arrangement and since i wasn't walking into walls or anything, he didn't seem to worry. problem was i realized my ears were too low - somethin that probably happened around the same time my breasts got lower too. i realized it - the lower ears - cause when i put on my cat eyes with the new prescription in em, the only way i could see when workin on the doo dads was to tilt em in such a way that the peeper proppers went way up high and the cat eye part tilted way forward...doin this i could see fine but i must admit i looked rather pitiful.

then that pixel parsin pinky pointin occurred and what resulted with my peepers made me sort of scared - those purple patterns prancin in and out - so i told the past prince i was in a panic. once again i found myself in that ugly peeper prober's office but this time i made mini's daddy and mini come along. gigi and jo came too but only cause we had sort of a slumber party back in the trailer the night before and just moved it from the airstream to the car when it was time to leave. mini's daddy made the appointment for 8 a.m. which in our neck of the woods means ya gotta leave when it is still dark in case there's a hold up on one of the highways or byways and since none of us prefer travelin at that early hour we girls all decided to just wear our sleeping clothes with some fashionable overthing on top except jo who is just sure anytime she is in beverly hills there's a chance she'll run into fabio even though i told her i had never seen him wearin glasses so she got all dolled up and even slapped on some maybelline and spritzed another layer of aqua net on her beehive. in the rush to leave gigi had somehow managed to toast up a whole box of miniature eggos for us to fight over on the way so none of us got car sick.

the office was still ugly and nothin else had changed either. they made me fill out alot of those annoyin forms since it had been so long since my last visit. smack dab on the top paper i wrote in big letters that if i wasn't naggin mini or pretendin to listen to her daddy, i was starin at the doo dad screen. then i was pulled into the perch again and went thru the whole previous process, pretty much as before but this time brought in my posse to protect me...and maybe just possibly to piss the prober off a bit.

at the end the pale peeper prober presented the prescription to mini's daddy - he addressed everything to him as if i wasn't in the room except his bossin me to do this and that or when he glared silent commands at the three unwanted guests he had placed against the peach wall any time they made more than a peep. then mini asked him if my ears were too low for regular glasses to prop up power peepers and if so if it was somethin that was genetic and he said "no - her previous prescription was posOtively pathetic which required her to partake in the proppin - her picked permanent peeper prober should be in prison for practicin poor prescribin". then jo asked if the new prescription would be perfect for everything i needed to perceive, promptin gigi to take the clipboard directly from the prober's pinchers and read off the information i had penned about me spendin so much time at the doo dad screen. actin as if this was news to him, the pasty practitioner jerked the clipboard back from gigi and said "of course not - i will need to pen a prescription purposefully planned for peepin at 'puters" and so he did.

to make a much too long story appear to prepare to be headin for the end, i can now see better than i have in quite awhile which is postOtively wonderful...but this is what has bothered me since poppin my new prescription onto my perfectly placed ears (gonna try to find someone to say the same about my breasts): when you get new glasses and can see better than you did with the previous ones, how are you supposed to know if that's the best you can see? and if you got yourself a brand new pair and it takes proppin to peek, does that mean you are an idiot for not pickin up on the fact that they were prescribed pathetically? and if you go to the peeper prober and make a point of pennin' on the paper everything pertainin to your present peeper problems, shouldn't you assume they read it? and once presented with the prescription, shouldn't you presume when you place that paper in your purse before you pay that it should take care of all the problems you penned on that paper? when we were leavin the pale nurse pulled mini's daddy aside and pleaded with him next time to leave the posse at home. but that was a plea that will go unperformed cause if they hadn't of come with me and pursued what i presumed, i am thinkin i'd still be blamin low ears for my sight problems and be headin for the ear raisin doctor.

back when i used to peruse more of the internet i recall readin quite a few blogs where the writers mentioned more than once how they'd been havin some pretty bad headaches and now that i have had time to ponder this, i'm thinkin maybe i am not the only one who didn't know to ask for two different peeper prescriptions from the prober. i do so hope if you are sufferin like i was you too will ask yours if maybe another prescription might keep you from partakin in the same kind of pain i went thru. be sure to take along your prince or posse if need be - they sure can come in handy at times.

as usual i am behind in everything....i had some gremlins attack my site and it took a week to work the problem out. it's not like i was workin on it the whole week, around the clock but for some reason when somethin is broken i get stuck on it and have a hard time doin most anything else. then once it was done i had to have that sleepathon and when i woke up i had to study really hard for mini's exams this week and had fallen way behind on her homework. so i decided i'd just tell you for the time bein, until i get all caught up again, i'll come and do some bloggin at least once a week - that way maybe so many of you won't write me askin where the heck i am and make jokes about me still bein asleep. i hate it when i have let you down!

okay - gotta study a bit more and then get my full two hours of sleep in. if it's been a while since you got your peepers probed please be sure to make an appointment soon...and if you do any doo dad'n be sure to tell the prober so he'll give you the right prescription. i tried peekin at the computer screen through the only one i almost left my pathetic pupil prober's peachy place with and i sure would have been in a pixelatin panic if i hadn't gotten that second one too! oh - and before i go - when the site was broken i lost a parcel of the posts from people wantin to participate in the fun we have over in moland....so if i didn't get back with you feel free to let me know so i can pick you up where i was left off.


Missy Judy said...

Hi Mo,

Glad you got your new peeper probers and can now see just fine.

I have the same problem. I wear tri-focals and also have a separate pair for just computin'.

I get a lot of floatie, speckie thingies and little rainbows as well. Someone told me that's just old age.

Terriinva said...

Mo, I also get regular eye exams. I had one in 7th grade and kept the same perscription until last year, when I turned 50. I also went to the best eye doctor in my area, with whom my husband had an extremely positive experience, and I wasn't the least impressed. I went because I've always been able to read things close-up without glasses, and now I can't read. He surprised me by putting eye drops in my eyes, and when I left, I couldn't see. Apparently there are sunglasses you're supposed to grab in the waiting room before leaving, but no one told me. So, I figure I'll be going back when I'm about 80.

I think I may have those low ears you were worried about. My new glasses never fit, so I'm still using my 7th grade perscription.

Glad you're seeing better and that the visit is behind you.

Tracy said...

Positively preposterous that the peeper doctor's office is a putrid peach place of pre-eighties furniture and prehistoric pulp. Perhaps you could pose as the pastey nurse and place a call to a perfectly posh interior decorating place and arrange for a consultation with a posse of their best people. Perhaps the prickly peeper doctor will take a hint get with the program.

So glad that seeing your 'puter screen is much easier now and that turning out Doo Dads is more pleasant on your peepers. I hope a much less prickly professional can get to the bottom of your purple peeper explosions, and promptly.

P.S. Sweet photo of the pooch & you catching up on your beauty rest!

pennyshilling said...

Positively pleased to hear that the pesky perplexing problems with the peepers, after having been purposely probed and prescribed to, are now performing their pretty peeking with perfect poise. I hope your perusing and pixelating performances partaken of will presumably now be positively pleasant and productive!

Privately, I'm still pondering the pervading problem of the ear positioning and am wondering if a preservation procedure may need to be procured to prevent further predicaments.

mmy2vce said...

I always thought those floaty things were germs!?! That's what they look like when you focus on them!

You know mo, even though you were having peeper problems, you got three gorgeous kits out to us in no time so i think you are doing pretty well!

Give your prince a kiss for us and tell him that we say thank you for sending you to dr. peeper's and his no-nonsense nurse. Then you can send dr. peepers some of your papers to cover his walls with and there will be no more dreading his peach persuasions any more!!! He just needs to "mo" his world up a bit!

be good,

Marie, mmy2vce

Robin said...

oh pie, i mean oh my. i can't possibly keep up the pace that includes such a delightful panoply of p words. i take my pillbox hat off to you all. very pleasing!

Maggie said...

love hearing from you mo. the little furry friend in the frame picture has just got to be the cutest, kiss, kiss, hug, hug.

Marianne said...

You are ALL too funny.
I'm so glad that you have found the right glasses, mo. Ho_efully the headaches will go away and you'll be able to see everything the way you are su__osed to be seeing them.
I have to say that you do so well on little slee_. I've been away the last few days and got little slee_ myself. I can't even think straight enough to come up with any "_" words...hmmmm...the letter doesn't even a__ear to show u_ when I ty_e it so I'm not even going to try to come up with a whole bunch of "_" words...LOL.

Your loyal _ickle _rincess, Marianne :)

Misty said...

WOW... I'm just too tired to be witty tonight..hehe I'll just say.. I'm every so grateful you had that taken care of!! Oh and the new kit.. BEAUTIMUS dahlink.. just BEAUTIMUS!!! =)

Jeannie said...

Oh, Mo, you can make me peal with laughter during the most pitiful tale of woe. Bless your heart and your peepers too! Hope you're feeling relief with your new specs. XOXO Jeannie

lcbannon said...

Mo. it's me again lcbannon I can sign in to your moland mall but can't get to any goodies. I swear I been good I know you were all looking at it, thought I would let you know I can get past the sign in but then I am stuck, no pretty pics or kits or do dads to look at..