yoooo hooooo!

tink's new kate spade
yooo hooo! bet you thought i had done given up the bloggin cause i was permanently poutin after my previous pixelatin pal portrayed me as preferrin to partake in pokin around peerin for pixels to poach from other people's pantries rather than painstakinly photoshoppin my own! but no...regardless of the penetratin pain pinned on me by her pixel parsin pinky pointin and partakin in prime time pea pitchin, i have not punted my pesky penchant for postin words pecked out givin my views on the pearls and perils i peer out at as they pass my perch here in the doo dad den. today that perch is the planked floor. once again i am planted prone with the laptop presently placed on my plush parts...starin up at all the purchases i paid plenty for from pottery barn - which i was previously partial to for personal property portals - while my trusty companion sits beside me, cozy in a brand spankin new kate spade.

i did have to ponder the whole pixel parsin profusely and for a time there i was thinkin maybe i caught that repetitive complusivatin disorderin disease. every time i plopped myself down in front of the doo dad designin machine, i would feel the need to JUST ONE MORE TIME go through a couple hunderd or so of my doo dads done up for delivery via download to check em....JUST ONE MORE TIME...to make sure that pesky lil stitch i accidently thought was mine was no longer co-minglin against it's will with ashley or lola or melissa or any of those gals i introduced to you so very long ago. the other coupl'a questionable pixel pretties were gone but that lil stitch was drivin me crazy. after partakin in that compulsivatin for a week or so i realized my peepers were plumb pooped and i had what seemed to be a permanent pain in my noggin and a primary colored pattern prancin back and forth across one eye. so instead of boppin over here to bang out a bounty of blogs, i was tryin to conserve my visionatin for completin all the holiday doo dads i promised to the doo dad devotees for delivery via download so they could do up designs to dole out christmas cheer to their loved ones.

i will be back to blog some blah blah blah about gettin my peepers probed by the opto doctor with the ugly office and no personality and then hope to bang out some mo-like wacom advice for all those who have written askin for such. but today i thought for my first writin of your new year i'd explain why i am decidin to have my own new year begin a week later so i can maybe catch up to where i had hoped to be on the third day of 2006.

see, i had hoped to take a break from doo dad'n to do some rearrangin of closets and such the week after christmas. but vanity pummeled my plans. it was not my own vanity at fault but that of my child. i do believe that the vainest creature to exist is a girl enterin the teenaged years and the current title holder is my beloved mini. recently, the body snatcher who now resides within her has taken to wearin make-up. her desire to do so happened quite suddenly. it was only a few months ago, on her first day of the present school year, that i tried to apply a bit of mascara to her long eyelashes and slap a smudge of eyebrow pencil on her not so visible above-lid-hairs. these motherly actions resulted in her accusin me of tryin to make her look slutty. guess once she took a look at all her fellow girlie classmates workin to do just that, she decided she might as well join em.

when this new affliction hit, i took her to the department store and we bought all the things she felt she needed to cover up her perfect skin and smear across her peepers to disguise her gorgeous green eyes. i must admit that she has quite a talent for applyin the cheaply made but expensively packaged concoctions and i have tried really hard to obtain a talent for keepin my chapped lips together without naggin words flowin from them. i hope to be more successful at this than i was at promisin myself i wouldn't jerk her hair from hangin down over one soot smudged eye.

anyway....since she has started messin up her face every day, even if not goin out into the world, she has taken over the area in which i used to attempt to do the same, includin mixin her slutty purchases in with my motherly ones. as i have openly admitted here, i am a messy person who lives in fear that someone will peer into my purse and especially take a peek into my make-up bag. the last time this happened the shocked person lookin for a bit o lip gloss was kind enough to alert me that something horrible had spilled inside. i didn't admit that that's the way it looked all the time and if she weren't so picky she could'a easily poked her index finger around until she felt somethin slick and slimey and pulled it out to find a lovely color of chanel lip gloss on the tip that would easily do the trick.

but the body snatcher sets a new record for pig. every time she peers in the 300 dollar lighted mirror she told her daddy she needed (but that i had always thought was just a bit too much to fork over for just slappin on some eyebrows) and deems that she has achieved just the right look for the day and then prances off to the hair area where she spends all that time makin sure she gets hers to hang over her eye just enough to make my skin crawl and then runs back to her new love - a gleemin new electric guitar personally autographed by all the members of a band full of males who also wear make-up, she leaves behind somethin like i have never seen. and that's sayin alot comin from the mother pig.

after too many times of sittin down to try to apply some make-up myself - to downplay my own natural beauty so as not to cause a scene - and not bein able to find a thing or havin to scrape off a top layer of grunge from some vital pot of wonder creme without a lid, i decided it was time to set the body snatcher up with a face paintin station of her very own. i didn't alert mini's daddy to this decision as he would have felt it necessary to search the world for somethin fit for a princess and maybe even arranged a consultation with make-up artists and dressin room makers to the stars when all that was called for here was somethin that had drawers, a surface for the 300 dollar lighted mirror and could withstand a pass with the high pressure squirter now and then. so i went online and navigated my way to the pottery barn.

after pokin through the different sites they pitch up on the internet i settled on the one for teens and somethin they called 'you're so vanity'. the copy was followed by the little icon that stands for in-home delivery as well as the extra shippin price of $125.00 to be added onto the $699.00 cost of the thing itself...plus tax. havin just returned from the pitiful paintin pig pen, i was desperate enough to poke the buy button and arrange for the piece to be sent on it's way. havin already filled mini's bedroom and playroom full of that pretty white furniture from pottery barn and knowin that the nice men in pressed uniforms would arrive to do all the settin up, the extra $125.00 for in-home delivery added to the regular shippin to total $208.00 plus the item's price and tax seemed worth it. i have never seen mini's daddy hold a screwdriver and my old dare devil injuries take too long to go back into hidin after i make em surface when doin assembly of this nature.

i should'a known things wouldn't go as planned early on. after waitin way past the time alotted for the fancy in-home delivery people to call to tell me they were comin, i inquired and found that they had been given the wrong phone number and had been leavin messages for who the heck knows. after much back and forth it seems they were gonna be able to do the in-home delivery just in the nick of time - christmas eve. that was fine by me cause i'd have less time tryin to hide the big ol thing from mini.....i'd have the nice men put it together in the christmas tree room (called that cause bout the only time we go in there is when there is a tree included) and keep mini outta there til the next mornin. they gave me a four hour in-home delivery window...so i set the day up to have mini gone with jo durin that four hours.

wouldn't ya know they'd show up early. havin doo dadded until the wee hours i was still snozin and mini's daddy was already out on his daily saturday mornin doins so jo let the scruffy lookin grouchy guys in. not knowin quite what to do she had em carry the three big ol boxes to the hall outside the master bedroom and then the scruffy grouchy guys scurried off and were gone in the time it took to get me to wake up and poke my head out. seems the in-home delivery didn't inlcude putting THIS thing together and cartin off the big ol boxes. once i went back to the site to look i did some extra poking AWAY from the actual item page and did find a tiny bit of info sayin this item i had delivered was one of the ONLY things even THEY didn't wanna try to put together - if you ordered it, you would be on your own. i do feel it should have been on the actual page itself. see, havin spent a good deal over 10000 dollars at the establishment over the last two years alone and the in-home icon always meanin actual in-home delivery, well, i had no reason to think otherwise or poke around further. had i known to do so this go round, i would have NEVER ordered the 'you're so vanity' - even if offered for free!

so....it's over a week later and still, here i lay.....injured from top to bottom with my fingers all sliced up to boot. see, they say in the description that the vanity has these pretty faceted knobs. they are faceted - or at least the five that i got are - not sure about the sixth one cause i could never find it. they could also be used as weapons....seems when they made em they just plum plopped the faux glass right outta the mold and decided not to invest in a smoothin down process for the rough edges of those faucets.....when i went to grab em and put em on, i sliced my fingers up...sort of really long, really deep paper cuts that really hurt when i try to bend my fingers. good thing i spent the hour before tryin to get the damn parts outta the boxes cause with my fingers all sliced up i might have needed to wake up mini's daddy and spoil the visions of sugar plums dancin in his snorin head to help me. what a shame that would'a been. and i seldom decide to do any cleanin myself but was glad i anticipated takin christmas pictures and havin a clean house appear in the background of em so before the finger slicin i had spent another hour on my hands and knees pickin out all the tiny styrofoam beadlets that flew like a blizzard off the bigger chunks the pieces were encased in as i fought with some invisible monster who was tryin to keep everything tucked in those 3 huge shippin containers. gettin rid of those things could fill a separate blog so i'll not even go there at this time.

i do so wish i had accomplished more of the multi-hour assembly process before the fauceted finger slicin though....like flipping the heavy pieces over to put em together and then havin to figure out how to get the thing right side up again to attach the mirrors. or realizin that because the pieces weren't labeled once outta the box, i had put the left side on the right and the right on the left and therefore had to do the whole flippin scenario all over again to get things to go together correctly. and because one of the thingamabobs that the legs screw into was missin, once finally flipped over right side up, the whole thing tilted forward and fell ontop of me. i'm thinkin maybe that's when my shoulder was injured.

by the time the new pig pen was assembled i was crippled but was somehow able to heave the damn thing onto just enough of the rug to lay on the floor behind it and push it toward it's final restin place with my legs....pushin and then scootin and pushing and scootin....it seemed to take forever but was really just long enough, since tink decided to ride along on the rug, to think about how glad i was that i had chosen such a tiny companion.

i had mini sleep in another room so i could place the piece of furniture i had come to hate in place before she woke up. once i had permanently damaged my hips gettin it to the door of her bedroom, i realized i had forgotten that in the place it was to live was a five foot tall tree covered from tip to tip with purple lights and balls. so another hour was spent getting the decorated tree outta the door and past the vanity and set up someplace else, breakin only about a third of the purple balls along the way. a little more push and scoot and it was finally in place. i decided since i was already layin flat from the leg pushin and had finally gotten my fingers to stop bleedin, i'd just stay put and close my eyes a few minutes for a little recuperation. and that is where my small family found me when the sun came up on christmas mornin. because i have the title of mom i was somehow able to hobble through the day and the week that followed. any less crown carried on my head would have me considerin hospitalization or at least a month long drug induced layathon on the shabby couch.

i offer up this night before christmas assembly story for two reasons. first, sort of as an apology for all that i have let fall by the wayside that last week of 2005....i have left people out in the cold...knockin on the moland door, still have a givin of thanks on the public part of my website, have neglected to send the heartfelt words of appreciation to all those beloved fan club members who sent me such wonderful gifts, didn't send out the christmas presents after christmas as i planned...the ones that didn't get sent out before christmas but that i thought might be okay if they arrived just a FEW days late....but that are still sittin here waitin to depart......these are just a few of the things i didn't get accomplished on my list but just tappin those out with the only two fingers healed enough for swift movin has me filled with heavy waves of almighty guilt. i do so hope to be movin around a bit better this week so that i can attempt to catch up before startin my own delayed new year.

i also wanna make sure that if anyone else is considerin providin a face paintin body snatcher of their own with a personal pen in which to primp and plop their potions, the pieces and parts i picked would not be recommended by the moland product review committee. when it finally came time for the snatcher of mini to transfer all her peeper paints and other face disguisin doo dads over to the new mother cripplin christmas present, seems though the multi faceted finger slicin knobs are attached to drawers that are nice and deep....they only open far enough to place but the smallest of particulars in em. they are just not workable. the only way my mini has found to make the damn thing function in the week followin the cripplin is to leave everything out...and since there is not much storin space on the outside, seems the pots and potions are now all over the room. the only thing that can be stored and easily retrieved from the 'you're so vanity' so far are q-tips. and i wasn't havin a q-tip storin dilemma. so unless it is expensive, large, body cripplin q-tip storage that you yourself are seekin, i suggest you skip payin to have the 'you're so vanity' SORT OF home delivered to your address. since the one i ordered arrived, the problem i sought to erase has been made worse plus now i am unable to do anything about it until more mendin takes place.

as you can see from today's bit o art above, my dear little companion was quite joyous christmas mornin even though her master wasn't. seems the kate spade santa delivered this noel was the best yet in her opinion. the minute she laid her sweet eyes upon it she leaped inside and decided to stay for most of the day, only leavin to dig out another treat from her stockin to take back into the kate with her. she has been livin there for the most part since then, bidin her time within it's silky satin linin until we can both return to our doo dad'n places on the shabby couch. i have been tryin to train her to retrieve treats from MY stockin but so far if i want a snack while on the floor i can choose from chicken or liver flavored rawhide only. if i stay down here much longer i will just have mini bring my calorie filled stockin and lay it next to me.

i do so hope that you had a wonderful holiday time and that if you were also needed for assembly work christmas eve that yours wasn't as painful as mine. if you are among the many i have neglected this go around, don't give up on me just yet...i'm sure i'll be up and around any minute now and ready for my delayed new year to begin.


Marianne said...

sigh....I think my last comment got eaten in cyber space somewhere.

Sorry to hear of your injuries, mo...I shant be buying any large q-tip holders anytime soon.

Now I understand why my mailbox has only been filled with yucky bills and nothing really fun. Don't worry...I'm patient and good things are worth waiting for anyway :)

Take care,

Marianne (wigglywourms)

Anonymous said...

Oh, Mo, you dear friend. please take care of those doo daddin fingers. I do hope by now they are less painful. I've been there and them little cuts ain't no fun.

Kpbrutcher of A Digi Memory said...

Oh Miss Mo. You can take the girl out of the country but you can't take the country out of the girl. You know all you had to do was holler down to Jo's trailer and there would've been several men to help you move that thing. lol Bless your heart, I really do sympathise with you. I am a Pottery Barn addict myself and it is hard to resist, even if it an assemble yourself item. Luckily, we have an outlet near by and everything is already assembled there, all we do is show up with a truck. Take care of yourself and I don't recommend giving in to Tink's treats. Wait for the stocking.

Tracy said...

Oh Mo... thank goodness that your family didn't find you & Tink flat under the finger slicing Q-Tip holder Christmas morning! We appreciate all the beautiful Christmas doo dads that were left under the doo dad tree, and now it's time for some R & R for Mo. Rest your peepers, heal your sore body, and for God's sake, get one of those long grabby sticks so that you can reach the chocolate from anywhere in the room.

Love the new splash up there and I daresay you look lovely in that frock. Did you use the Q-Tip storage/make-up application station to put on that face? If so, it was worth every penny. Hope the body snatcher thinks so too.

Heal up dear friend!

Anonymous said...

Your writin just cracks me up! I have the whole scene in my head & I hope you don't mind that I chuckled while readin about your Pottery Barn assembly required situation. I'm sure the smudged up body snatcher appreciated all your puttin together efforts.

I'm pretty happy about the pretty Christmas doo dads you sent to me, so don't be feelin guilt - just get better soon!!

"paytonplace" in Moland

PS - I hear-tell the chicken rawhide are particularly tasty when dipped in Gravy Train ;)

Jayne aka tinydancer said...

Accck! Every parent's Christmas Eve nightmare, poor Mo!! Love how you always turn it around and make us howl laughing when you share your tales of woe. Aww, you're such a sweetie to be worrying about us when you're not feeling well yourself.. you take care of yourself and get all better fast please!

Thanks for the giggles.. I'm sure I'm going to be smiling when I get out my "peeper paint" from now on :)

Trish said...

Oh the joys of Motherhood! You have put such a funny spin on an exhausting holiday! Take care and rest up!!!

Jan said...

Love that new picture of Tink -- it's her cutest yet!

I haven't been to bed before 3 or 4 AM on a Christmas Eve in several years now. But fortunately, I haven't had to put together anything quite so complicated as a "you're so vanity." Just boy stuff, with wheels and stickers and such ('cause anything made in China never comes with the sticker decorations already on the darn toy -- though you'd think with the low cost of that outsourced labor they could maybe stoop to put the stickers on...).

I'm still trying to convince my 12-year-old that he really needs to brush his hair before going to school every morning, and I feel quite blessed we won't have to mess with potions and paint. (Although he's got it in his head right now that he doesn't like his curly hair, and the stylist last night showed him how he can kinda sorta blow dry it straighter, and I told him right off I wasn't going to do that for him every morning, and if he wanted it that way he was going to have to learn to do it himself...so he's developing his own "you're so vanity" -- at least in his head!).

Anyway, the young'ins are all back in school now (finally!) and I've got the house to myself again, so the pups and I can finally recuperate from the holidays, too. They're enjoying their morning rawhide, and I'm on my way for more coffee, but we're all enjoying the peace and quiet. :-)

Happy recuperating!

Missy Jan

Billie said...

The things we do for our children. Goodness, Mo! I hope Mini loved the You're So VAINity... but I have to say, it truly looks like Tink is SMILING in her new digs.. and what girl wouldn't be?!

I think you deserve to rest, get better. Take care of yourself this year, my dear friend.

Pamela said...

Ah Mo,
You absolutely made my morning. So happy to see you back blogging. I also have a teenage girl that spends a tremendous amount of time primping before school everyday fussing with that beautiful already fabulous hair and covering up that gorgeous silky skin. But, luck for me, she has her own bathroom with just a brother to drive crazy with her lotions, potions and appliances.

Happy New Year
Missy Pamela

Hollie H said...

What an ordeal!! The "small print" just sucks. You would think that "inside delivery" means inside, ready to use, not boxes dumped inside on the floor. You rest and relax. I am so far behind in scrappin that Thanksgiving is still awaitin'.

Grab the chocolate, hit the shabby couch and get some R&R. We will all be here patiently waiting for your recovery.

Happy New Years.

Hollie H

Casey said...

Your painful story reminds me of the Christmas Eve I spent putting a drum set together (yes, I was crazy at the time.) I thought it would be fairly easy and poured myself a drink as I settled down to work. Too many drinks later, the job was sorta done and I was definitely done.

But my son loved those drums!!! He grew up to be a trumpet player in an Army Band.

Maybe Mini Mo will grow up to be another Elizabeth Arden or Estee Lauder after hours of experimenting in front of that $300 dollar mirror!

mmy2vce said...
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mmy2vce said...
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mmy2vce said...

mo, thank you for this treasure of writing...I was laughing so hard that I almost p..., well, you know...since birthing children...I'll never be the same...but, anyway. After I finished reading this funniness I keyed into the "you're so vainity" at the PB Teens site cause I had to see this object for myself. What a wonderful gift to receive...It looks like those old-fashioned vanities from long ago...It reminds me of my maw maw's that my Aunt Shirley confiscated along with the Antique Murphy bed when my maw maw and paw paw went to that higher place out yonder. Very pretty and it would befit any princess-in-training. You chose a looker and I'm sorry it "attacked" you. Oh, but we've missed your writings, and welcome you back with open arms!!! And, is Tink SMILING??? what a precious cutie...chicken and liver breath and all! Love her oh so chic "black with everything" Kate Spade, so subtle yet classic. A cozy spot indeed. BTW, love your 'marie antoinette'paper...she is one of my favorite historical figures and one of my namesakes, gotta love her in all her badness. I know you've been so busy providing us with your amazing, unique art but I am truly glad to see you back blogging for our enjoyment and delight. Thanks mo!

Seana said...

Mo - you may not only be the most talented woman on earth, but the funniest...

So glad I've stumbled across your work!

Tammy (drewsmama) said...

Sounds like your christmas was as fun as mine. Aren't young teenagers great! We only had to put a pool table together and HIDE it. Lucky me, I gott he fun job of keeping said teenager out of the house and occupied for the 6 hours it took Daddy to assemble it.

Seuss said...

Dear Mo...

Welcome back! Hope you heal up fast, blessings to you and yours for the new year... you know, next week when it arrives!:)

Misty said...

It's ABOUT time...hehe I *SO* love your bloggin' Mo.. like doo dad soup for the soul! I swear ya need a column somewhere!!

I hope you gettin' some rest!!!

Holly said...

Glad to know you're still alive even after the attack of the vanity table. Hope you get the aches and pains to go away soon.


Holly Morrow said...

This is a desperate plea to not boot me from your site just yet - I fully know that I have not been "participatin' or anything - thing is - the site has never liked me since joining - I never did receive a password or anything - I NEED to be able to buy some of your wicked awesome kits - just got my hands on a TON of so awesome yummy heritage photos from my Grandma - and i want them all done MO style!! I know I should not be posting this here in your blog either - BUT, I couldn't get an e-mail link at the site either! PLEASE HELP!!


Jeannie said...

Oh, I had had serious blog withdrawals, and this painfully funny account of Christmas Eve in Moland just makes me laugh and wince all at once. The things we do to keep our title of Supermama year after year... Have the bandages come off your fingers yet? Hope you're healing nicely.