moms

recently one of my cyber acquaintances lost her mother. i haven't been able to stop thinkin' about her sadness but since i don't know her well enough to send her suggestions on how to go forward in the comin' days that will turn into years o' missin' her mom, i thought i'd blog about my own experience here.

my mom died three years ago from breast cancer. once i got through the first stage of sadness and began to try to resume my life, i realized that since her death, thoughts about my mom popped into my mind hundreds o' times a day and each time i had to do my best to not to be pulled into that dark hole that is so very close to your feet durin' the difficult times of your life. it's okay that the monster within had a grip around one o' my ankles - i could deal with that - but once i allowed it to yank me into that dark deep hole, i knew i would be in serious trouble for a long period o' time.

when you have a loved one die from an illness it's not like in the movies or on television. they don't just get sick and then lay in bed and after awhile, close their eyes forever. it's usually long and drawn out and sad and noisy and really horrible and they seldom look anything like they did when they were well. so it takes quite awhile for your thoughts of them to be of who they were before they became sick. this can't be forced - i know cause queenie i and talked many times about tryin' to do so. we wanted our thoughts to be of the happy lil chatty lady who never had a good hair day and still thought polyester was the best invention ever, who never met a stranger and who everyone loved. instead the visions that danced in our heads were of a shrunken person with one sprout o' somethin' that looked like sprigs o' steel wool stickin' outta the top o' her tiny head...someone who was usin' every bit o' strength she had left just to breathe in and out.

after her death, it took almost a whole year for thoughts o' my dear mom to return to the mother she was before those last sad days. it just happened one day that the pictures that accompanied the constant thoughts that popped into my head without warnin' was the one i had longed for. it was around this time that i had the revelation that kept that monster from pullin' me down into his dangerous hole - those constant thoughts of my mom weren't brought about by her death - they had been there all along! it was just that i didn't pay much attention to their steady presence until each one was associated with sadness and pain.

i realized that my mom had been there in almost everything i did almost every day - how could she not be? she's the person who had either taught me how to do everything i did everyday or had been there the first time i did the things i still do or i had talked to about the things that make up my every day life. somewhere as i brushed my teeth or sewed a stitch or did a doo dad, long before she was sick, she was there. when i put mini to bed or comforted her when she had a bad day or prayed for the body snatcher to snatch some other pre-teen-bein', she had always been poppin' in and outta my mind (especially durin' the body snatchin' times - i do so owe her an apology for my own time with the body snatcher).

i'm pretty sure this is what all daughters must experience somewhere deep in their subconscious their entire lives, in everything they do - the floatin' in and out of thoughts and images of our moms. maybe sons do it too but not havin' been anything but a daughter i can't say for sure. anyway, none of us pay much attention to 'em 'til our mothers are lost to us and then these 'visits' can make us feel a constant sadness that are capable of sendin' us straight into the monster's depressing hole.

realizin' this has made all the difference for me. little by little i began to let myself celebrate my mom's life and look forward to her poppin' in and out of my daily life instead of associatin' each visit with her loss. it also helps me be a better mom to mini cause knowin' she too will always have me poppin' in and out, i want to be at my best in each pop!

there are still those times where i am overwhelmed with sadness that my mom died but there are now more times when i just feel lucky that she was mine and was here to be mini's grandmother. mini spent her summer bakin' and sewin' and more than once she announced outta the blue, 'wouldn't grandmother melissa be so happy to see how i love the same things she loved". i am thankful i could be delighted at her feelin' and sharin' this with me and not in some dark hole unable to hear her.

i do so hope my cyber friend can move closer each day to celebratin' her mother's life and if she ever feels like she may fall into the grip o' the monster, feel free to ask for help from those who have experienced a bit more healin'.

today's blog accompanyin' art is - once again - the cute lil un-dogs that surround me. i promise to change subjects soon if you'll indulge me just a lil longer!

celebratin' siblings

i'm sorry i don't yet know how to do up a mo-tube to document and display for you the disappearance o' the doggy doo dad den dilemma and the development of true sisterly love! my dear friend gail deserves not only my undyin' devotion for dolin' out the winnin' dilemma dissolver but her choice o' doo dads designed for delivery via download.

after less than 24 hours o' doin' as directed, tinkerbelle has actually done some frolickin' with her baby sister. we are all beside ourselves with glee as tink's refusal to be a big sister to coco has weighed heavily upon us all. the only thing we have done differently is pay attention to tink first and more dramatically and make it appear we are protectin' her from the smaller fluffy female. i was concerned that this would cause chaos to coco's self-esteem but at her young age she seems completely oblivious to anything other than the joy of bein' alive.

i guess it's like almost everything else in life...it's always the simplest things that work best....even in seemingly serious sibling situations.

i am thinkin' that gail's solution was exactly what mini's grandfather may have been implementin' when he introduced my much, much older sister queenie to her new baby sister in the snap above. it appears at the time the shot was taken she is not yet convinced that this tiny creature should be welcomed into her royal kingdom but subsequent photos show true love quickly developed. in fact queenie has never been able to get enough of her much younger lil sister - she was after all the first to call me 'mo' - obviously expressin' her desire to have 'more' of me at all times.

hopefully her highness will take a break from her royal duties today and stop by my humble blogdom to read my birthday greetings to her. everyone should be lucky enough to have a much older sister and i am so glad queenie is mine.

sibling rivalry

since unfortunately i was blessed with only one child, i never experienced siblin' rivalry as a mother...or even as a siblin' for that matter. i adored my brother michael the football star (as does everyone who meets him) and my sister's IQ was in those triple digits and she was magna-cum-everything and named queenie and for most o' our childhood, wore a crown (NOT a tiara - those are for mere princesses).

i couldn't play football (tho i did often play around with those who could) and never read a book until i got to college (but still made good grades by turnin' in fabulous book reports where i made up not only the story i pretended to read but the author, book name and even the book numbers). the closest i ever came to royalty was when i was football sweetheart and then - wouldn't ya' know - they crowned me with a mere tiara that was just on loan...so as you can clearly see spendin' time rivalin' while growin' up was not time well spent.

therefore i am at a loss at what to do now that this sort o' behavior is occurin' right under my nose. mini got coco - her own lil biddy un-dog - for her birthday and tinkerbelle hasn't been very welcomin'. i had envisioned the two lil ones frolickin' up and down the long hallways and cuddlin' up together and once coco got a bit bigger, tink even sharin' her closet o' canine couture with her lil sister - and they are actually sisters - so i had no reason to doubt the days ahead would be filled with fluffy, furry fun.

but tink will have nothin' whatsoever to do with coco. nada....zilch...zero. coco has tried just about everything to get her to play and tink just turns up her nose and goes to someplace the baby pup can't get to. but no matter where she is, she keeps her coal black eyes on me...watchin' every move i make and listenin' to every baby-talk word spoken to coco - like she's keepin' a list. i am at a loss as to what to do. especially now that mini started back to school this week. both girls wanna sit right on top o' me so my day is spent havin' two tiny white fluffballs jumpin' back and forth across my lap - tink tryin' to get away from coco but still stay close to me and coco followin' close behind.

in the next few days i'm afraid it's gonna get worse. there was one remainin' pup from the batch coco came from and once jo saw the boofy bouffant on the lil barker (on the right in the top picture), she decided she can't live without it...so when she returns this week from her wal-marts across america tour, we'll have three! i do so hope at least two of 'em will be friends! i can't stand for my home to be full o' fightin' fluff! i could use some helpful hints on healin' and harmony if anyone o' you has some to offer!

i guess you can tell i'm pretendin' i wasn't missin' in action for the whole summer! if you'll humor me for now i promise to meet you here regularly now that mini isn't home all day....unless of course one o' these teeny tiny fuzzballs turns vicious and attacks me.