faux body images

ever since that jennifer love hewitt dared to show her reality thighs out in the open there has been lots o blah blah blah about the need for everyone to have good feelins' about their bodies. my much older sister queenie could sure help anybody findin' themselves lackin' in this area.

when my mom found a simplicity pattern she felt inspired to stitch together she would ask for our measurements. it's not like i was gonna measure any differently than the last time she got so inspired - at the very same time she found just the right fabric on sale at walmart for 99 cents a yard - but for some reason she could never find the right piece o' ripped up crinkled grocery bag she used for scribblin' the numbers - and all important information - onto...sometimes with her eyebrow pencil. so once again i'd take that stiff yellow strip - not sure if it's cardboard or paper or what - and wrap it around the circumference o' my protrudin' body parts and call out the sometimes painful numbers to my mom over the phone. she''d have to wait for queenie's body strings to arrive via the mail.

queenie has never allowed anyone to use one o' those crunchy numbered tapes on her royal skin. instead, whenever a recreation o' any o' her body parts is called for, she uses regular ol' twine and attaches a lil piece o' tape to the end sayin' which human part it recreates. this way she never knows the actual numbers and always feels just fine about whatever length those pieces o' twine end up bein'.

if invited for a visit to queenie's palace you can count on feelin' really good about yourself if you back up to the full-length mirror and crane your neck to check out how your behind looks in your 501 jeans cause she always has one o' those that reflects back a more stretched out version of yourself - not anywhere near a funhouse mirror but also nowhere close to accurately conveyin' your true saddlebag shapes. and since her bathroom scales are always set to a good ten pounds less than what i find on my own, jumpin' on for a weigh-in is a delightful experience. everybody leaves queenie's house with a pretty good body image - even if they do know it's ll pretend.

queenie says the only important opinion about how she looks is her own and the way she sees it she looks pretty darn good. and somehow since she always thinks she looks pretty darn good, i always think she does too.

fortunately my mini has inherited more o queenie's good body image feelins' than my own. at mini's age most girls are pretty critical of themselves but so far i have never heard mini complain about how i made her. she got some of these positive feelin's from her daddy as well 'cause no matter how he looks, in his mind he is the most handsome devil on the planet.

i am sometimes envious o' queenie's ability to love herself thru thick and thin. she never compares herself to others where i sometimes when i go see the colorist to the stars in beverly hills to get my faux blonde hair and am placed smack dab between a faux red headed super model and a faux blonde academy award winner...i find it really hard not to close my eyes and wonder what it would be like to have just one really long leg (it might be worth havin' to hop from place to place) or the ability to throw on a tight t-shirt over a bra-less torso and not fear i'd be asked when my due date was.

on the other hand, mini's daddy is capable o' reachin' a whole new level o' self-love that often leaves me scratchin' my head. yesterday, when he returned from gettin' me a cappuccino at starbucks, he reported that he had stood in line with robert redford who "wasn't very tall" and "what a shame it is that he has 'that thing' on his face".

while rushin' to get all my projects done today i'm gonna ponder how borin' life would be if we were all the same. i'm sure most o' you have long been finished with all your holiday preparations while it will be quite the miracle if i ever do. i vow each ho-ho-holiday season that it will be the last that i feel the need to gift everyone with momade items and in the future will not only purchase all outgoin' gifts but pay the ridiculous amount charged to have them gift wrapped and shipped by someone other than me. it's more likely i will succeed at havin' queenie and mini's daddy's perfect body images before i am able to achieve such a lofty goal....especially since the time i spend makin' the gifts is really a present i am givin' to myself.


Anonymous said...

well, if anyone knows about worrying how big their caboose looks in a mirror, it's me! But I am learning with age that I usually see it worse than others do and am beginning to embrace my own "quirks" no matter how bulging they get. I must say that little pink chenille bag is simply to die for and I can only imagine the gratification it yields to see all these pretty items and know that they are 100% made with love and that they all came from within you. As tiresome as it may be getting them all done, it still must feel pretty good to see them all finished and ready to go, knowing that the person at the other end of their destination will love and cherish them...maybe even hand them down to their daughters, sisters, etc. What an amzing gift.


Anonymous said...

a funny thing happened to me on the long and winding road to becoming 53..i mean 54..i used to get it wrong every year only it was the other direction - i'd say i was older instead of younger.... but all things change with time....which is exactly my point. i used to spend many a fretful hour worrying away about the size, weight and shape of various body parts that happened to be mine. i spent just as many additional hours doing this and that exercise, diet, or new age whatever to make some of those body parts change more to my liking. in the meantime life went on. husbands came and went, children moved out, careers failed or thrived and all that time i spent focusing on that eensy weensy part of my life began to feel like a waste of precious time. it didn't matter what i did i still got wrinkles, i still had the same size thighs and my hair never did get curly. it is since i cut back thinking so much about the disappointments of my anatomy that i started to have more fun..i laugh a lot, i enjoy my own quirks and i even draw attention to myself on purpose..which i never, ever would have done before. i like being free, i enjoy laughing at myself and being silly, i thrive on helping people see what's good about themselves. and one day i may even learn how to dance!

xoxoxox to you mo for doing another blog entry so soon! reading your blog is one of those experiences that make me smile every time.

Sweet Remembrance said...

Mo...I need to visit more often!
You always make me laugh...
Happy Holidays,

Maija said...

I am rolling on the floor laughing my butt off! You are so funny!

Anonymous said...

What a beautiful bevy o' bags!! You must have been stitching 'round the clock all of December... and I know how that does a soul good.

I'm so happy to hear that Mini has such a good perspective on her parts... must be part of the reason the body snatcher packed up and left after only a year. :)

Please see if Queenie will divulge the maker of her magic mirror, because I will gladly trade my scale in for such a thing.

xoxooxoxox's and good luck getting all of those trees decorated!


Anonymous said...

Love the layout with all your momade items and believe me I give up on worrying about things anymore, life is too short to do that and as long as I like myself who cares what anyone else thinks!! Owning a momade bag and stocking is wonderful.. thanks mayor Mo.. love your blogs.. like Robin, they always make me smile and I find that I just LOVE your sense of humor. Thanks for everything Mo and Merry Christmas to you, Mini-Mo's Daddy, Mini-Mo, Jo, Mimi and Queenie, and of course Tink and Coco!!


Rosa said...

Hey, it's not ALL about height, am I right? Merry Christmas, dear Mo. May you and yours have the best of Christmases. xo

Anonymous said...

Dear Mo, your accounts about your family are too wonderful. I promise always to maintain mental images of you all as tall and thin and utterly gorgeous.


Saucy said...

That's some pretty good body image stuff happenin' around Moland. I've never obsessed with any of that stuff and so it goes with Loopy who seems not to notice she's the only one in junior high who's not paintin' her face up like a stripper! She's the prettiest one there, anyway. Just my opinion.

Anonymous said...

good for mini! i'm proud of her. she looks absolutely adorable yet sophisticated in your big collage page. i hate it when teenagers feel like they have to show their skin to the world. Mini looks like a nice girl--we need more of those. and all of this while growin' up with jo so close by!!! (just kidding, jo.)

body image... i will turn 47 in february and i am not going to age gracefully. i am heading it off kicking and screaming. after all, when thing 1 and thing 2 (known to most people as "the twins") graduate from high school, I'll be 60... and I don't want to head for the bleacher with a walker and have people tellin' 'em how nice it was that their granny could make it to their graduation date. I didn't come into this world cute, but I'm doin' my darndest to leave it that way. Maybe if I had the use of one of Queenie's mirrors, I wouldn't feel that way. I visited the dermatologist yesterday and made an appointment to get my first Restylane injections in a couple of weeks. So, the girl that loves the natural world is slowly becoming shallower and more unnatural. That red-haired supermodel and blonde moviestar you sat between have made life hard for all of us--everybody's expectations for us have been set way, way too high. It's not okay to be normal anymore. My husband weighs 50 pounds more than he did when we got married, thinks he looks great, and still expects me to be a size 2... when i get to heaven, i hope there's not one single chicken breast or head of lettuce, 'cause i plan to eat like crazy. i know that god won't care. 'til then, we're stuck with these men who think they're god.

oh, and that "thing" on robert redford's face--it's called a beauty mark....mmmmmmmmm! no matter how much you love them, husbands can be quite the trip.

wings (Pam)

chrises said...

Hi Mo,
I don´t think you will remember me, but I used to visit your site in 2005 - after more than a year not being able to dedicate any time to scrapping. Now that I could come back, both your websites are unavailable - one is offline and the other doesn´t accept my password. I miss your doodads. If you could reach me through my email, I would love to return to your community.

By the way congratulations on your blog - its adorable!!

Kisses from Brazil

Chris Mazzola